Pandemic Anger, Sadness, Fear....Or Is It All Grief?

We are all feeling emotionally disoriented as we walk through this unprecedented pandemic experience. Maybe you find yourself reading news and feeling fearful and anxious. Maybe you feel annoyed and angry every time another restriction is placed on your community. Maybe you’re sad that your special trip, Prom, graduation, or wedding has been postponed or cancelled after months of hoping and planning. Maybe you’re feeling devastated because you cannot comfort someone you love who has COVID-19 or you haven’t been able to attend a funeral in person. Maybe you’re facing a positive diagnosis yourself.

So much is happening around us that is very much out of our control and the way we understood life before the pandemic has been taken from us. This whole experience is an emotional roller coaster. Some of us are irritable, some claustrophobic, some controlling, some numbing out, some seeking perfection in isolating, some exhausted, some tackling home projects, some trying obsessively to be positive. But, at the heart of it, all of these emotional responses are forms of grief. We are all in the midst of some form of loss. Loss of freedom, loss of physical connection, loss of comfort, loss of hope, loss of person, loss of job, loss of income.

Our grief shows itself in our confusion, our big emotions, and in our stress behaviors. It’s tempting to be avoidant of our feelings because they are uncomfortable, rapidly cycling, and difficult to manage. But, pushing down feelings is counterproductive, keeps you stuck, and does not move you to the other side where you can find acceptance and peace. And, people who stuff emotion, often are at higher risk for forms of anxiety, depression, chronic pain, migraines, and stomach problems.

So, we’re all grieving and our emotions feel out of control….so now what?

When we experience various forms of grief, the healthiest thing we can do is CREATE SPACE TO FEEL OUR EMOTIONS. Don’t swallow feelings, push them aside, or avoid them. Instead try the following:

• Let the feeling rise like a wave. Let it surface and give it space to exist.

• Be mindful not to immediately launch into avoidance or fixing strategies.

• Say to yourself, “I feel sad, mad, overwhelmed, scared…..”

• Validate your feeling, “This situation is weird and hard, it makes sense that I’m overwhelmed.”

• Remind yourself that the feeling is temporary, “I’m not always going to feel this overwhelmed.”

• Take deep breaths while you sit with the feeling.

• Give yourself permission to surrender the feeling to God and ride the wave knowing it will move on soon.

• Give your emotion a way to escape your body such as crying, running, drawing, singing, talking it out.

• Give yourself permission to ask for help and support when you need it.

Giving space to your grief helps you feel better and helps you prevent the unhealth that comes with emotional stuffing and avoidance. You are most certainly not alone in your struggle. This may be the time to begin some online counseling to get additional support in working through the high intensity emotions you’re experiencing. Journey Bravely is currently accepting new clients and providing professional online counseling, also known as online therapy, telemental health, Telehealth, and distance counseling to support those living in Oklahoma and Florida through this difficult time. We look forward to connecting with you.

If you’re struggling with the pandemic or something else and are wanting to connect for online counseling, Journey Bravely is here to help you get started with online counseling this week. Call 918-221-9987 for your free 15 minute consultation call or if you’re ready to schedule your initial online counseling session, connect to our client portal to schedule now here.

Written By: Stephenie Craig, LCSW

Stephenie is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 18 years experience specializing in emotional/relational health counseling. Stephenie loves hearing others’ stories and helping people find new perspective that produces peace, healing, and connection through individual counseling. Stephenie provides treatment for adults, teenagers, couples, and families with anxiety symptoms, parenting struggles, teen issues, depression, grief, divorce, and other life transitions. Realizing your life is out of balance and ready to schedule your initial counseling session? Connect here for information about counseling Stephenie provides and get your initial therapy session scheduled.

Online Counseling During the Pandemic

The world feels like it’s turned upside down in the last few weeks. All the things you’re used to doing outside your home have been redefined. Maybe you’re struggling feeling like you started to feel some progress or momentum in some area of your life and then the pandemic hit, effectively locking you in your home and making motivation and emotional balance incredibly difficult. We are all walking through this strange, unprecedented pandemic experience together and it’s creating fear, grief, anxiety, and stress. And on top of that, many of the ways you previously coped with stress are not available like the gym, coffee with a friend, going to work, or going to the beach. As a result, you might be feeling trapped, defeated, overwhelmed, and lacking in options to start feeling better.

Professional counseling is a helpful way to begin sorting out emotion, improving coping skills, and finding some new perspective on existing thought patterns and life struggles. While sitting face to face with a therapist is a great, helpful experience, currently we are all pretty much limited to home. So what now?

Online counseling is a great option if you own a laptop or a smartphone. Online Counseling, also known as Telemental Health, Telehealth, Distance Counseling, and Online Therapy is receiving counseling in your home over the internet in a face to face, online format. Getting started is easy and due to Coronavirus, the federal government has declared FaceTime and Skype as helpful, legal Telehealth options which means you may not even have to adapt to a new electronic face to face platform. You can continue or start receiving high quality counseling at home without much stress or hassle.

Online Counseling works for individuals, couples, families, adults, teens, and kids. You can address anxiety, depression, stress, marital issues, family dynamics, divorce, parenting struggles, teen anxiety, teen depression, and other struggles you would address in traditional in office therapy.

Reasons to Use Online Counseling During the Pandemic:

• Your mental health is a priority. Taking care of yourself during this stressful time is important and matters for your quality of life and for the quality of life of your family.

• The Pandemic is causing a rise in anxiety, depression, and overall stress. You aren’t alone. Many people are experiencing an increase in symptoms of stress, anxiety, depression, and other life impairing mental health struggles.

• Online counseling is convenient and time efficient. You no longer have to drive to sessions and you can literally receive counseling in your pajamas.

• Online counseling is professional and high-quality. Online counseling is the same counseling service provided by a licensed, professional therapist you would receive in an office setting but from your home.

• Your problems don’t stop. As much as you wish they would, your struggles and problems are still present and impacting life in the midst of the pandemic. Individual and relationship struggles may eventually begin to feel even more difficult in the face of added stress.

• Technology is your friend. We are all having to learn new ways to connect with friends and family in the face of being home more. Participating in online counseling can be an addition to FaceTime or Zoom you are already doing. Or, online counseling might help you to become more comfortable using technology to connect with friends and family.

As you are feeling your way through the ups and downs of the many changes you are facing, keep in mind that online counseling is available to you along your journey. We are truly all in this together. Extend grace to yourself and others. Don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help.

If you’re struggling with the pandemic or something else and are wanting to connect for online counseling, Journey Bravely is here to help you get started with online counseling this week.Call 918-221-9987 for your free 15 minute consultation call or if you’re ready to schedule your initial online counseling session, connect to our client portal to schedule now here.

Written By: Stephenie Craig, LCSW

Stephenie is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 18 years experience specializing in emotional/relational health counseling. Stephenie loves hearing others’ stories and helping people find new perspective that produces peace, healing, and connection through individual counseling. Stephenie provides treatment for adults, teenagers, couples, and families with anxiety symptoms, parenting struggles, teen issues, depression, grief, divorce, and other life transitions. Realizing your life is out of balance and ready to schedule your initial counseling session? Connect here for information about counseling Stephenie provides and get your initial therapy session scheduled.

Coping Through Coronavirus

A few short weeks ago, I woke up, took a beach walk, got the kids off to school, went to work to counsel people in person, and stopped on the way to a baseball game to pick up a few things from the store including toilet paper and lunchmeat. This week, I woke up, the beach is closed, the kids are doing school at home, all counseling sessions are online, no baseball games, and walking the empty toilet paper and lunchmeat aisles at the store sparks anxiety. Most things that felt normal and gave daily structure to life a few weeks ago are now completely different. 

Experiencing so much change at one time in the daily infrastructure of our lives is disorienting and overwhelming. You aren’t alone if you’re experiencing brain fog, forgetfulness, exhaustion, depression, irritability, fear, anxiety, anger and grief. It is overwhelming to the brain to have so many life anchors cut loose simultaneously. Your brain has shifted from doing everyday tasks automatically to having to intentionally think through things that were simple a few weeks ago. Any room your brain had to give to higher level thinking about your goals, dreams, relationships, and life satisfaction has been overrun by crisis mode focused on basic needs and survival.

The good news in the midst of our current difficulty is your brain is created to change and adapt. Your brain will embrace a new version of normalcy after about 3-4 weeks if you engage in some repetitive daily practices that help you feel normal even in the midst of very abnormal circumstances. 

5 Ways to Stay Mentally Healthy During Coronavirus: 

1.     Be intentional about your sleep, nutrition, exercise, social connection, spiritual support, and medication regimen.Make intentional, reasonable efforts to take care of yourself in these areas while also being mindful to lower your expectations of yourself and others. 

2.     Adopt 5 daily practices to keep you grounded in a sense of purpose and connection to others.  Personalize your 5 practices to what helps you feel normal, hopeful, and a sense of accomplishment each day. My 5 daily practices include: laying eyes on the ocean, walking outdoors, listening to hopeful/spiritual podcast or sermon, send an encouraging message to a friend/family member, and naming 10 gratitude items.  Make a meaningful effort to engage your 5 practices daily, giving grace to yourself when you aren’t able to make it happen

3.     Connect socially. Whether by phone, text, Facetime, Facebook, Zoom, Marco Polo or talking to your neighbors from across the yard, find a way to communicate with others. Talking with others reminds us that we aren’t alone in the current struggle and serves as mutual encouragement that we can survive the challenges we are facing. Don’t hesitate to share struggles with a trusted friend.

4.     Engage in Self-Care. Find time each week to do something that feels calming and soul nurturing. Take a bath, read a book, watch your favorite show, call a friend, get outdoors, hold your pet, etc. Your brain and body need a break from your higher stress level. 

5.     Limit News Consumption. While we need to be wise and informed, there is wisdom in determining an amount of trustworthy news that feels informative and helpful for the day vs. falling into a black hole of fear mongering and confusion. 

As we are navigating this new, socially distant, stressful world together, don’t hesitate to seek extra mental health support. Many therapists are accepting new clients and providing online counseling sessions to accommodate increased mental health needs in the community including Journey Bravely. 

If you’re struggling with the pandemic or something else and are wanting to connect for online counseling, Journey Bravely is here to help you get started with online counseling this week. Call 918-221-9987 for your free 15 minute consultation call or if you’re ready to schedule your initial online counseling session, connect to our client portal to schedule now here.

Written By: Stephenie Craig, LCSW

Stephenie is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 18 years experience specializing in emotional/relational health counseling. Stephenie loves hearing others’ stories and helping people find new perspective that produces peace, healing, and connection through individual counseling. Stephenie provides treatment for adults, teenagers, couples, and families with anxiety symptoms, parenting struggles, teen issues, depression, grief, divorce, and other life transitions. Realizing your life is out of balance and ready to schedule your initial counseling session? Connect here for information about counseling Stephenie provides and get your initial therapy session scheduled.

Mindfulness: An Antidote to Anxiety

Do you find it difficult to enjoy today because your mind is anxious and overwhelmed about the past and future?

Mindfulness is the practice of increasing focus on the present moment instead of on the past and future. Mindfulness creates space for you to live and enjoy life with less background noise. It can reduce stress, anxiety, and depression while increasing attention, calm, and presence in your relationships. 

However, our brains naturally gravitate toward past or future, distracting us from our present experience. Past thoughts are commonly about regret leaving us feeling sad. Future thoughts are commonly about our desire to control future events leading to anxiety. In reality, we can only be in the present moment.

Most often, the present moment is not the source of stress. Rather, it’s our past or future oriented, obsessive thoughts creating anxiety. Stress results from the long to-do list for later today or the difficult conversation we are replaying from yesterday. 

The hopeful news is current neuroscience says our brains are moldable and created for change. With intentional, repetitive mindfulness practice, our brains can and will embrace more present focus. Explore these mindfulness characteristics and practices to feel calmer and more present in life.

8 Characteristics of Mindfulness:

• Notice your surroundings as you observe them through your 5 senses. "I see a red car, I hear my favorite song, I feel cool air blowing on me, I feel the smooth steering wheel, I smell my peppermint car freshener."

• Let go of trying to control what is outside your control. Accept what is happening and think about how you can bring the best version of yourself into that situation.

• Let go of judging people and circumstances as good/bad. Instead notice and accept behavior and circumstances as they are. Recognize your response does not need to be determined by others behaving well or badly.

• Notice and name feelings without allowing your feelings to determine your response. "I'm noticing that sadness is surrounding me right now and I can feel it in my throat and in my eyes." A feeling can just be a feeling when you understand and name it.

• Notice thoughts and feelings come and go like waves and usually move on if we do not grasp or avoid them.

• Participate fully in exactly what you are doing right now. Let go of ruminating and begin describing your present experience to yourself through your senses. Allow yourself to become immersed fully in the present experience.

• Tend to each thing in its own time. If while you are focusing on the present moment, you are noticing a repeated invasive thought about a future task, set aside a specific time later to give the future task your full attention. 

• Do one thing at a time. There is something relaxing about refusing to multitask.

Now that you understand some basic ideas of mindfulness, use the following steps to stay in the present when past and future thoughts try to dominate your mind.

5 Steps for Practicing Mindfulness:

1.     DESCRIBE your moment by moment actions to yourself. "I am getting out of bed, the floor is cold, I'm turning on the shower..."

1. NOTICE past/future oriented thoughts. "I am noticing that I'm thinking about my work meeting tomorrow."

2. GENTLY DISMISS past/future oriented thoughts. "Now is not the time to think about my work meeting. I will spend 30 minutes tonight preparing for my meeting. Right now, I am focusing on…"

3. RETURN to describing your moment by moment experience using your senses. "I see a blue umbrella, I smell fresh rain, I feel moisture on my skin."

4. REPEAT the process over and over knowing you are retraining your brain. At some point in the near future, you won't have to work so hard at it!

It is helpful to begin steps of mindfulness during short, specific life activities like teeth brushing, eating breakfast, and driving. After you are practiced, begin putting activities together to build hours of mindfulness. Keep in mind it takes about 21 days of repetitive practice to create a new brain habit, then additional weeks of consistency to sustain the habit. 

I encourage you to commit 21 days to developing this practice and track your progress. Visit the Journeybravely.com Resources page for your free 21 Day Mindfulness Challenge PDF plus a free PDF Mindfulness Steps & Characteristics sheet. I wish you success in showing up fully in your present life!

Written By: Stephenie Craig, LCSW

Stephenie is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 18 years experience specializing in emotional/relational health counseling. Stephenie loves hearing others’ stories and helping people find new perspective that produces peace, healing, and connection through individual counseling. Stephenie provides treatment for adults, teenagers, couples, and families with anxiety symptoms, parenting struggles, teen issues, depression, grief, divorce, and other life transitions. Realizing your life is out of balance and ready to schedule your initial counseling session? Connect here for information about counseling Stephenie provides and get your initial therapy session scheduled.

Ditch Resolutions for Life-Giving Activities

Tired of making resolutions and experiencing a sense of failure by the end of January? It’s easy to make self-disciplined plans in December until January hits and you’re back to eating out, skipping the gym, staying up late, procrastinating and spending energy taking care of everyone but you. What are you supposed to do when the resolutions have fallen flat and you still desire some healthy direction for the remaining 11 months?

Instead of setting idealistic, unrealistic resolutions that tend to be all or nothing oriented, consider creating a Life-Giving Activities List to provide your daily and weekly life with some flexible, commitment-oriented direction. Life-giving activities are disciplines or practices that when done consistently, move your life toward living out your values with meaning and balance. Life-giving activities are measured over the long term of weeks and months rather than days and allow for extending yourself grace when you’ve missed the mark on any given day or week. They provide a barometer of sorts to check in on your level of health in various areas of life and provide a guide for making needed adjustments as you go throughout the year. While resolutions are meant to serve us, we often end up feeling enslaved to them. Life-giving activities serve your desired personal growth rather than you serving them.

5 Ways to Create and Use Your Life-Giving Activities List

1.     Consider areas of focus and determine where growth is desired. Areas of focus to consider include physical health, emotional health, spiritual health, and relational health. Questions you might consider to help you evaluate these areas of focus include:  How am I caring for my body? How is my sleep? How are my relationships? How is my stress level? In what areas of life do I want to see growth? 

2.     In your own words, choose 5-10 areas of focus that will create the main items on your Life-Giving Activity List. For example, my areas of focus include: Connect with God, Connect with Family, Eat Intuitively, Sleep Well, Have Fun, Meaningful Work, Move My Body, Personal Development, Engage Hobbies/Creativity, Be Generous.

3.     Choose up to 5 life-giving activity options for each area of focus that bring balance and joy to life. Choose activities you know or suspect will promote your desired growth in each area of focus. You do not need to complete all of the activities each week but instead, choose one or more activities from your list weekly to help you grow in each area of focus. On my list, under Connect with Family my activities include family table dinners, family game night, movie night, date night. Under Connect with God, my activities include prayer walks on the beach, participate in worship community, participate in small group, spiritual reading/podcasts. 

4.     Post your Life-Giving Activities List in an easily accessible location. Put the list in your phone notes and consider posting a hard copy in your home. I like posting my list on the bathroom mirror where I see it throughout the day.

5.     Create a consistent weekly time to use your Life-Giving Activities List for a personal growth check-in. Set aside 10 or more minutes to reflect on the prior week. Notice how many of your 5-10 areas of focus you engaged over the past week. Notice which areas you might be avoiding and consider why. Notice which activities have brought you the most joy and meaning. Notice if you felt a sense of healthy, balance or a sense of exhaustion and chaos. Consider how you will adjust your activities in the coming week. You may want to schedule your life-giving activities into your calendar so they will actually happen.

The Life-Giving Activities List is meant to be a flexible guide to provide structure and reflection. It’s a great tool for noticing when life has taken a turn away from your deepest values. It provides gracious course correction opportunity without the shame of failure. When used consistently, the list can empower you to live life in health and balance. Feel free to adjust your list as needed throughout the year. When I consistently engage life-giving activities in 7-10 of my areas of focus, life feels more connected, intentional, balanced, happy, and healthy. Best wishes to you in your growth in 2020! Click here to download your personalized Life-Giving Activities Worksheet.

Written By: Stephenie Craig, LCSW

Stephenie is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 18 years experience specializing in emotional/relational health counseling. Stephenie loves hearing others’ stories and helping people find new perspective that produces peace, healing, and connection through individual counseling. Stephenie provides treatment for adults, teenagers, couples, and families with anxiety symptoms, parenting struggles, teen issues, depression, grief, divorce, and other life transitions. Realizing your life is out of balance and ready to schedule your initial counseling session? Connect here for information about counseling Stephenie provides and get your initial therapy session scheduled.

De-Stressing the Holidays

There I sat crying in a butter-soaked shirt, holding a tired, screaming baby wondering why I ever agreed to 3 Christmases in one day. It was our baby son’s first Christmas, what was supposed to be a picturesque, magical day to remember. We decorated, put our son in his Christmas sweater, baked requested casseroles, packed thoughtful gifts, dressed in new clothes, and journeyed to 3 family gatherings that ended in tears and overwhelm. Is this really what Christmas is supposed to be? Stressful, exhausting, overwhelming, and disappointing? Is there another way?

Historically, Christmas and the preceding weeks were about expectations surrounding the birth of Jesus. Currently, you might find yourself juggling spiritual and cultural expectations around Christmas and other Winter holidays including stylish decorations, hosting gatherings, spiritual reflections, church activities, perfect gift-giving, family traditions, meaningful time with extended family, etc. With good intentions, you may place impossible expectations on a few weeks of the year to bring fulfillment and happy memories. Afterward, you can be left with the disappointing reality of hurt feelings, burnt ham, criticism from family, underwhelming responses to gifts, and kids preferring to text friends instead of playing family board games.

So, what can be done?

Here are 5 Ways to De-Stress Your Holidays:

1. Sort your expectations into two categories: healthy and unhealthy. Healthy expectations are reasonable, gracious, encourage growth, and don’t result in shame. Unhealthy expectations are idealistic, unreasonable, perfectionistic, involve trying to control others, and result in feeling ashamed. Reducing stress begins with getting curious about what you are expecting of yourself and others. Are you trying to present a perfect image of yourself? Are you trying to get someone else to be who you want them to be? Are you trying to get an emotional need met from someone who is not likely to meet that need?

2. Consider what you fear will happen if you let your unhealthy expectations go. Most often you hold unhealthy expectations because you fear loss of control, when in reality, you didn’t really have control in the first place. Admitting that you only have control of yourself can set you free and empower you to manage yourself in healthier ways.

3. Identify unhealthy expectations that others may have invited you to fulfill. Maybe you’re still seeking approval from your parents, or hustling to live up to social expectations of friends, or exhausting yourself trying to keep your kids happy. If you find yourself resenting someone, it’s often a sign that unrealistic expectations are present in the relationship.

4. Set boundaries with yourself and others. Adjust unhealthy personal expectations and allow time to realize your worst fears will not be realized as a result. Try giving yourself permission to say no to unhealthy requests of others even if someone will be disappointed. They will survive the disappointment and so will you. Boundaries are usually uncomfortable initially and then all involved get used to them over time. In the long-term, such boundaries create oxygen for life.

5. Decide how you will fill the space that results from letting go of unhealthy expectations. When you think about what feels healthy and meaningful around the holidays, do that and enjoy it deeply.

For us, letting go of unhealthy expectations has set us free from exhausting, expensive, perfection-oriented busyness and created space for intentional, reflective, restful, family time on Christmas Day. The difference is astounding. What will you do to create and enjoy healthier space this holiday season?

Written By: Stephenie Craig, LCSW

Stephenie is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 18 years experience specializing in emotional/relational health counseling. Stephenie loves hearing others’ stories and helping people find new perspective that produces peace, healing, and connection through individual counseling. Stephenie provides treatment for adults, teenagers, couples, and families with anxiety symptoms, parenting struggles, teen issues, depression, grief, divorce, and other life transitions. Realizing your life is out of balance and ready to schedule your initial counseling session? Connect here for information about counseling Stephenie provides and get your initial therapy session scheduled.

You Have One Life

By Todd Craig, Personal & Professional Coach

A couple of years ago I was sitting in a large meeting that I was required to attend on an annual basis. I had this moment of clarity where I realized I was listening to the same reports and debates I had heard every year for the past 15 years with no change. I thought to myself, "life is too short to waste another minute in this room.'' So, I got up and left. I ran into a friend on my way out and when I shared my moment of clarity he said this to me, "you have only one life."

I have carried, reflected and acted on that phrase over the last 18 months. My greatest desire is to live the life I am meant to live and to help others do the same. If you find yourself thinking things like, "there's got to be more than this," or "I have more to offer," I hope these ideas will help you take a next step:

1. The past is prologue - Your past may shape your future, but it doesn't have to determine it. I believe every experience, both good and bad, can contribute to your future. But, your past is not in charge of your future.

2. You are ridiculously in charge - You have only one life.....and you get to decide how to live it. You may not be in control of everything that happens in life, but you are in charge of your mindset, attitude, how you respond to situations and people, and how you move forward. You get to decide your direction and the paths you are going to pursue. And, you are making that decision everyday. You are making that decision today! The question is, are you making it intentionally?

3. Decide who you want to be - Your character, integrity and values are more powerful in determining your direction, for better or worse, than anything you will do or how well you will do it. In fact, who you are will have a huge influence on what you do. Andy Stanley put it this way, "It's always a mistake to decide what you want to do before you decide who you want to be."

4. Ask yourself, "What do I want.....really?" - This is a deceptively difficult question to answer. In fact, most of us think we know what we want until we get pressed to define it. But even then, we often answer with things we think we want.  We think we want that position, that money, that house, that car, etc. This is why adding "really" to the question is so important. Are those things more important to you than your family? Time with your kids? Your legacy? Your reputation? What's really most important to you? A great way to determine what you want...really is to consider what you want said about you at your funeral. This is a great reflection of your personal definition of success.

5. Evaluate, "Are my habits, behaviors and life choices in line with who I want to be and what I want?" - Remember, you are ridiculously in charge. You get to decide what habits, behaviors, relationships, jobs, direction, etc. you want to pursue and keep. If you are out of alignment, every day is an opportunity for a new beginning.

6. Push through the resistance - Living your one life with intentionality is a courageous path. There are other voices telling you how you should live your life. The gravity of the status quo (as umcomfortable, disappointing or painful as it may be), can be strong and challenge our desire to move forward. 

7. You don't have to walk this journey alone - You are the hero in your story and every hero has trusted voices challenging and encouraging them forward. One of my greatest desires is to help others live the life they were to live; to be the people they want to be and to pursue the life they want. If you would like help determining who you want to be, what you want and aligning habits, behaviors and life choices don't hesitate to reach out! I'd love to join you on your Brave Journey.

Journeying Bravely

Journey Bravely just moved across the country from Oklahoma to Florida and we are still pinching ourselves most days when we take a quick drive to the ocean! We started dreaming 2 years ago about moving to a warmer, sunnier, ocean-side community. As with many dreams in the beginning stages, we had a desire but were lacking confidence that we could accomplish it. We realized in our coaching and counseling work that we were encouraging people to Journey Bravely and yet, we needed to take some brave steps in our own journey to a new home. We were excited, scared, hopeful, doubtful, and motivated for change. We decided on a specific area of Florida and determined that a 2-3 year timeline would be the best for our family as we hoped to move prior to our oldest child starting High School. And amazingly, just over 2 years later, we have landed and just moved into our permanent home in our dream community.

So how are you supposed to get from dreaming to living out that dream?

1. Explore how comfortable you are with dreaming in general. We found that we were most comfortable taking the next security oriented step in life and struggled to allow ourselves to really dream. If you’re struggling to allow yourself to dream, here are a few questions to consider that might get your dreamer working. What do you really want to be true in your life? When you come to the end of life, what will you regret having not done? What relationships and experiences bring you the most joy? What contribution can you bring to the world that brings excitement? When you think of a day to day reality in your mind that feels meaningful, what does that look like? You might find it helpful to journal through answering the above questions. In addition, seeking additional external input about dreaming through reading and podcasts can help improve the dream flow.

2. Make your vision concrete to make it more real and to invite next steps. We created our first vision board about 1 year ago. Vision boards can be done many different ways but we chose pasting and drawing pictures and words on a large board to represent our priorities for the future. Vision boards can include various areas of life such as where you want to live, vocational dreams, parenting goals, financial hopes, travel aspirations, character development, ways to give to others…and anything else you’re hoping and dreaming. Then, place that board in a visible place and take some time daily to think about what you desire and what action you’re willing to take to make it a reality. Vision boards are flexible and can morph and change over time as you experience personal growth.

3. Break down the dream into manageable parts. Moving was one part of our overall life dream. We chose to focus on that part first as many of the other dreams flow out of where we wanted to live. Once you choose an area of focus, it’s time for goals and action steps. If the goal is planning to move in two years, what are the practical daily steps you must take to get there? For us that looked like some vocational change to make my work more portable, preparing our house to sell, including our kids in the dreaming process, and looking for viable housing in our community of choice. Action steps are often where people get stuck. Sometimes dreaming is easy and action steps can feel overwhelming or boring. However, people who write down their goals on a regular basis are 42% more likely to achieve them. This is where you gather your grit and start to dig in and and do one thing at a time knowing that in the long run, the steps that seem insignificant will actually move you to your dream.

4. Make friends with healthy risk. Most people who realize dreams learn to navigate taking some level of calculated risk. Risk taking is easier for some and harder for others simply because of personality and how you were raised. We both identified as risk averse people prior to our move. The big step that was necessary and scary for us was listing our house when it was a home we really loved. We wanted to wait to list our house until we both had solid job offers, however, my business is self-employment and it became clear in the process of Todd networking for jobs that he needed to be in the community to get the job. So we waffled around for several months, sought wise counsel, faced our fears, and one day almost 2 years into the dreaming process, decided to list the house. Risk is letting go of the comfortable and familiar to open possibilities for what you really want and it was not easy. But, 12 days after listing, the house sold causing momentum over the next few weeks that resulted in our dream being realized 3 months later. It was very uncomfortable moving without knowing Todd’s job, but had we not done so, we would not have been here 2 days after our arrival when his current job was posted specifically for someone living in the area.

5. Once you realize a dream, savor the growth in the process and celebrate the outcome. Dreaming, opening your life to change, and taking the action steps is work. It’s impossible to do such work without experiencing some transformational change in your faith, your relationships, and how you see and understand yourself. Slow down, pay attention, and take note of how you’re changing so you will intentionally carry the new perspective forward into your life. And, when you reach the goal, pause…enjoy…practice gratitude…and celebrate what has transpired. Celebrating reminds you to acknowledge your faith, your work, and all of those that were part of your journey to the realized dream.

The brave journey to realizing a dream is beautiful, hard, risky, transforming, and life-changing. Once you have experienced it, you know you can do it again. What are your dreams? What is holding you back from pursuing them?

Written By: Stephenie Craig, LCSW

Stephenie is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 18 years experience specializing in emotional/relational health counseling. Stephenie loves hearing others’ stories and helping people find new perspective that produces peace, healing, and connection through individual counseling. Stephenie provides treatment for adults, teenagers, couples, and families with anxiety symptoms, parenting struggles, teen issues, depression, grief, divorce, and other life transitions. Realizing your life is out of balance and ready to schedule your initial counseling session? Connect here for information about counseling Stephenie provides and get your initial therapy session scheduled.

Daily Stabilization Skills

A balanced life is a more enjoyable, healthier life. Life balance requires attention to several areas that keep your life stabilized daily.

1. Sleep: Getting 7-8 hours sleep daily at a consistent time helps create and sustain healthy brain function. One night of poor sleep can create fogginess and cravings for carbs. People who don’t get consistent sleep tend to struggle more with health and mental health issues. Deep breathing, essential oils, reading, avoiding screens, and weighted blankets can be helpful for consistent sleep. If you have ongoing sleep issues, you may want to discuss sleep help options with your doctor.

2. Spiritual: Nurturing your spiritual life creates purpose, meaning, sense of identity, and often improved decision making. Nurturing your spiritual life may include engaging with God, a spiritual community, spiritual readings, prayer, and meditation.

3. Nutrition: What you put into your body has a significant impact on energy, thoughts, and overall health. Nutrition is less about weight loss and more about overall quality of food and drink to support healthy brain/body function. Most people benefit from reducing sugar and processed food/drink intake and increasing consumption of real food such as lean meats, fruits, vegetables, and water at regular intervals throughout the day.

4. Social: Quality and consistency of social relationships support fun, decision making, and impacts overall shaping of your values. Close, trusted, positive people can make all the difference when life gets hard. It’s important to evaluate the quality of your social relationships to determine if your close people are actually encouraging you to be a healthier human. At times it’s important to distance from relationships that aren’t serving your life well and begin developing new, positive relationships. Character matters because you are likely to become like your closest people.

5. Exercise: Movement of the body on a daily basis positively impacts energy, mood, and sense of self. Pushing yourself to do hard physical things can remind you that you can do other hard things in life. Exercise may be Yoga, Walking, Running, Gym Class, Cycling, Hiking, Chair Exercise, The important thing is that you find something that works for you, gets you moving, and that you can consistently engage most days of the week for at least 20 minutes. It may take a bit to work up to 20 minutes but it will be worth it as a more active body is a more energetic body.

6. Mental Health: If you're experiencing symptoms of mental health challenges, consistent counseling and at times, consistently taking prescribed medications is critical to gaining the necessary support for optimal mental functioning. It can be difficult to accept struggling with mental health issues. A professional can provide you with information and support you need to be a healthier you.

It can seem hard to keep these areas of life in a healthy space. Life gets busy, crisis strikes, and you may generally prioritize other things over taking care of yourself. Ultimately. it costs you more time and energy when these disciplines are out of sync. Take a moment to determine which of these 6 key areas need work in your life. Then, set one goal in one area. Then create 1-3 daily action steps that will help you reach your goal. You can do this and the truth is you really can’t afford not to.

How are you doing at keeping life in balance? Which of the above skill areas need some intentional focus?

Written By: Stephenie Craig, LCSW

Stephenie is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 18 years experience specializing in emotional/relational health counseling. Stephenie loves hearing others’ stories and helping people find new perspective that produces peace, healing, and connection through individual counseling. Stephenie provides treatment for adults, teenagers, couples, and families with anxiety symptoms, parenting struggles, teen issues, depression, grief, divorce, and other life transitions. Realizing your life is out of balance and ready to schedule your initial counseling session? Connect here for information about counseling Stephenie provides and get your initial therapy session scheduled.

Parent Coaching

What in the world is parent coaching and why do you need it? 

Parenting is wonderful, hilarious, exhausting, and will cause you to grow like nothing else. Because you love your kids so much, parenting comes with a significant amount of pressure. From the beginning, you're concerned about parenting well and getting it right from the diapering and sleep methods all the way to launching out of the nest. Your child's well-being is at stake and the honest truth is that no new parent has any idea what they are doing. You get one stage somewhat figured out and then it all changes as they grow and you're back to feeling unsure again.

Whether you are overwhelmed in the beginning phase of parenting or you are in the thick of trying to figure out how to discipline your child or teen, healthy parenting requires some intentional thought and planning. Sometimes it's difficult to find the time to decide what specific parenting strategies you will use in the midst of juggling the baths, the food, the schooling, the sports, etc. And, if you're living in a home with another parent present, sometimes it's hard to get on the same page about parenting values.

In the midst of all the daily tasks and the many, many battles you must field in parenting, it can be incredibly relieving and helpful to have an objective, non-judgmental guide to help you process and work through your values, goals, and emotions around parenting. Having coaching discussions will help you:

• Identify personal and family values for your parenting foundation

• Identify goals for yourself, your child, and your family culture

• Strengthen existing and add new skills to your parenting toolbox

• Identify and understand how to manage your emotions around parenting

• Improve your understanding of your child's brain development

• Identify barriers getting in the way of healthy parenting

• Identify methods of meaningful connection in your parenting/family

The parent coach's role is not to psychoanalyze or tell you what to do. The coach's role is to guide you to understanding what you desire to be true, what strengths already exist to help you accomplish your desires, and to connect you with new information that will improve parenting confidence.

Next time you're feeling overwhelmed in parenting, remember that you aren't alone. All parents are struggling with their humanity and that of their children every day. Some days you feel competent and other days you feel like you don't know what you're doing. When you need help, reach out and schedule a parent coaching session to gain clarity and skill in parenting from health and consistent values.

Written By: Stephenie Craig, LCSW

Stephenie is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 18 years experience specializing in emotional/relational health counseling. Stephenie loves hearing others’ stories and helping people find new perspective that produces peace, healing, and connection through individual counseling. Stephenie provides treatment for adults, teenagers, couples, and families with anxiety symptoms, parenting struggles, teen issues, depression, grief, divorce, and other life transitions. Realizing your life is out of balance and ready to schedule your initial counseling session? Connect here for information about counseling Stephenie provides and get your initial therapy session scheduled.